Friday, March 18, 2011
When I was a new mother, some nine and half years ago, everything was a wonder, a marvel. I remember relishing, delighting in every new thing my wee babe could do. And marveled in this small wonder who taught me so many things about love and life and moments. Yes, moments, tiny little moments to hold onto....babe spinning at sunlit window, transfixed by the dust particles swarming around him. And I laughed and cherished these moments. Simple joy in bubbles blown, leaves picked up, the scattering of hundreds of Cheerios. And I took photos, photo after photo trying to capture what my eyes were seeing in the here and now.
Somewhere as the years have crept along...sped along even....my boys have grown to the wise years of 6 and 9 and it seems that the wonder of this motherhood has escaped me. Not that they don't fill me with wonder, but there is this longing for that complete innocence of their baby sight, eyes still captivated in the marvel of sunshine, the distant sound of an airplane overhead. I quit seeing, quit capturing photo moments, moments in my mind, joy moments. And I don't know if it is these children growing before my eyes or this long winter stretched out before me, but I do know I want to hold it again, hold it close. The funny thing is I didn't see it slipping until I recently picked up a book (downloaded it onto the Kindle) on a whim. This reading has transfixed me, pulled at my deepest heart strings and brought back that joy and wonder and mystery of new motherhood to me.
The book is One Thousand Gifts: a Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp. Her words are touching, heart felt, God-blessed. And I keep going back to find new treasures in her book, but most importantly I am finding new treasures right here, right in this mother-world I live in. And I've started my own Gift List...it is short and no where near 1000, but it will get there and beyond as I re-find the joy I knew as a fresh mother, in my children, in my daily duties, in the wonder of the world that touches me here. I will capture these moments, kid moments, life moments, God moments with eyes seeing deep, gifts given, gifts praised and I will be content.
12. Spring flowers peeking through Winter's last snow
11. Sunshine rainbows on dirty carpet
10. Quiet man's warm hands on days end aching muscles
9. Crumbs under chairs to be swept, they've never known hunger
8. Simple meal, no frills
7. Two voices singing in harmony, boys who are blessed with music, unseen mother audience
6. Indoor garden's beginning bloom
5. Hungry boys, growing still
4. Warm steamy shower warms cold morning skin
3. Little hands folded in quiet prayer over breakfast, unison voices
2. The smell of waking little boys from their slumber
1. Warm blankets wrapped around me in the morning